From What I Can Tell, the part of us that leaves the dying body is what you know as your Self. When I was 9, I thought that I would change when I became a teenager, but I remained exactly the same person. I thought that adult me would be different again, but it is not. The part of you that doesn’t change over the years- that’s the part that leaves the body and doesn’t die. I call it my energy or my Self or my Godself, but it is also called the soul, the higher self, universal knowledge, spirit. This doesn’t die, and although we are all connected in that we all affect each other tremendously, we do retain a sense of our individual self after death.

Just before leaving the body, some people have a chance to review recordings of this life located in the chakras. I believe that these holographic records are then filed in the Akashic Records. This is the traditional “movie of your life” but the focus is on how you made others feel, the impact you had on the lives you touched, including the plants, animals and planet. This is almost like watching memories- it is not to be confused with later reviews of goals, progress, karma, healing, etc. accomplished in this lifetime.

We leave our body feeling whole and we get help to show us the way. It can be a loved one or several loved ones, angels, guides, totems, or other. It will be the one you pray to. If you have a relationship with Jesus, he will be there. If it is Ganesh- he will be there. Sometimes we see only a pillar of light or a tunnel of light. If you feel unsure, just pray and help will arrive before the prayer is even completed.

It is best not to look back. When your loved one has died, the greatest gift you can give is to tell them  over and over: “I love you. I’ll be okay. We will look after each other here. You go now, as far as you can go, into your own Light. Don’t look back. Pray if you need help. Go, my Love. I’ll see you after your journey.” Actually, “Congratulations” is appropriate.

(Whatever you do, don’t say: “I can’t live without you. How will I manage? Don’t leave me.”)

When we leave the body, we feel fondness for it, almost a nostalgic love, as we would feel for a boat that had once carried us across an ocean, now irreparable and scarred. How well we know the eccentricities of the vessel: the surprising strength, the sensitive greenstick fracture. So, we say goodbye to this body with gratitude. Free from the constraint, pain and emotion, we slip out like a puff of smoke.

Once free of the body, we feel only love, lightness of being, an ease, a freedom. We do have things to do at that time and help will arrive as needed or requested. Generally, there is a variety of possibilities that I’m aware of, and I assume there are many more.

I have seen that you could go to a void. I found it so pleasant there, that I would have loved to stay. It is an emptiness, but not a hollow emptiness, more of a silence and solitude that can be wonderfully soothing if you’ve died feeling depleted, maybe from giving too much.

If you move past the void, there are giant buildings that look to be made of glass- but it is more of a translucent light- something that you can put your hand through, yet sit on if you like. (I sat on the steps of a library to meet my husband who had passed years before. The steps were made of that light material, as was the huge library.)

Or you could close into yourself and be miserable with grief or darkness or guilt or remorse. You will need saving in this case, and someone will come for you. If you are able, pray for help. Some beings in this state chose to end their last life deliberately.

Or you could go straight to another dimension- I’ve seen only 5th and 7th.

Or you could go to your “home” which is the retreat connected with your Ascendant Master.

Once you have crossed over, there is a time period of 40 days that will involve debriefing & healing. You might spend time in giant healing crystals that look like tanning beds. My understanding is that there is no real judgement, hopefully not even from our Selves. However, we were born with goals & hopes already in place on day 1.

For example, you were fated to meet your abusive husband from a previous life. Except this time, you had the power: you were the daycamp leader, and he was an obnoxious boy in your group. So, you had an opportunity to balance karma, to choose compassion instead of aggression when in power. How did you do? Did you hate that kid and the two of you made each other miserable all summer? Or did you find a way to like that boy, even give him some power? Did he find a way to trust you?

And so, in these forty days, we have counsel while we review our last life and consider what was accomplished, or not, and what damage was done… to the planet, other beings and our own selves.

I see us signing off on the lifetime and the record is then entered as a holograph in a book embossed with our true name. I have opened my book to random pages. Instead of reading the story of that lifetime, I see a holograph that pops up from the page- it’s a lot like watching a movie. (I don’t know if this is the Akashic Record or Library.)

How I Know This: I have seen these things in meditations, healing sessions on dying clients, and during teachings here and on the Other Side.

Desert Rose Meditation:

This happened while learning a stone.

I chose to learn a desert rose because of a life-long fascination with the desert. I’ve acquired many desert roses over time- I just love them. The stone is originally a collection of sharp edges that become worn soft by the wind, until they look like beige-pink roses.

I held the stone in both hands and felt a surge of love for it.

I laid down and held the stone in my left hand. I felt pinpricks all over my body.

I put the stone on my navel, and I could see sand and sand dunes. (I thought I was making this up, so I moved the stone to my heart.)

I felt despair, deep unfixable sadness with the desert rose on my heart and I began to tear up. (This surprised me, always a good sign that it is not just my imagination.)

I placed the stone my 3^rd eye. I was lying in the sand, the sun setting, my camel beside me. Tremendous despair. I felt the blowing grains of sand needling my body. I knew that I would die here, the camel would die, and my woman would never know what happened to me. I loved her very much, and there were children too. A whole community, in fact, was depending on me for something that I would not be able to accomplish. I had failed. They would not get what was needed. Oh, my woman! I could see her standing at the edge of a village, her hand shielding her eyes as she scanned the horizon for me. She would watch for me in vain for months. The sand pricked all over my skin; I shivered uncontrollably. I had failed; they would suffer.

I rose up out of my body with wonder and surprise! How easy it was! No pain. In fact, there was no sadness. The despair was gone. I felt peace. Finally, after the sand and wind, I felt a stillness and silence.

I fell back into my body and the pain. Now I could notice the stomach cramps, the weakness, my throat like it was closed or stuck, the sand hitting me and hitting me, my woman, the guilt.

I lifted out of my body and floated above. Peaceful. Watched the sand bury my small body… and understood that I am the earth, that many of my bodies are part of the earth.

I went in and out of the body all night.

The next part of the meditation is to sit up and look at the stone. It took me a long time to stop shivering and sit up. I opened my eyes and looked at the desert rose in my hand. Beautiful. I closed my eyes. I saw a giant red rose and it came so suddenly with so much love that I burst out crying. It came with a message: “We love you! We are so proud of you. It’s okay that you didn’t bring help. Everything works out fine, all the time. Only the love is real.”

The message wasn’t: “You are forgiven,” because there was nothing to forgive. But I felt forgiven and that was what I wanted. Relief.

The red rose was fresh, wide open, a few drops of dew on juicy petals… to someone who just experienced a desert death, well, it was one of the most beautiful sights of my life.

Thank you, Desert Rose.

desert roses

From What I Can Tell, rocks and stones are alive. They are able to communicate stories and their own history. They absorb energy. By that, I mean that they can absorb emotion and happenings and later report those things. Rocks, stones and crystals are willing to share this energy and knowledge and it can be used for healing among other things. Also, stones can tell us stories about our own selves, even when we come into contact with that stone for the first time.

Stone Bear

How I know this:

One summer my teacher/healer took a small group of us to an old abandoned farm. Her friend had been using the land for medicine wheels and moon ceremonies, but we went on a dry sunny day. She told us to go and communicate with the plants and trees, off on our own. The women disappeared down paths and through meadows. I was fresh off lyme disease and had a fractured relationship with Mother Earth at that time, afraid of being in nature. I would not be walking across a meadow.

I stuck to the widest path, once a farm road with low stone wall borders. I wondered about the people who had built this farm- the house was small and dark, the barns and sheds decrepit- no one had found their fortune here. In the sun, among birds and insects, I imagined a sweet simple life of weeds and greens, a cow and a horse, wild strawberries and sunny days… I sat on the low stone wall and traced over them with my fingers, listening.

The rocks told me about the days when the wall was built. I was completely surprised! It had been raining and very chilly, down to the bone. Three hard thin men did the work, one was younger. They were hungry and wearing dark clothes.

I knew that inside the farmhouse was as cold as the outdoors, the same feeling I had while living in a cave in Turkey (in the 90s). The fire would have trouble drying their clothes. The stones were placed in misery, “might as well work”, wet cold backs bent in the rain, day after day.

It was my first experience listening to stones.

After that, I learned to hold them and listen. (Instructions below.)

A desert rose took me to a lifetime in the desert when I died on a journey. I remembered the feeling of being buried alive in sand while my camel stood by.

I was male and I was overwhelmed with sadness about not returning to “my woman”. She would worry, would never know what happened. I had failed at getting what I was supposed to bring back; there were children too. I went in and out of my body all night. When I was out, I could look down at the little dune that was growing over me and see the camel and I felt only peace, then back into the body and the pricks of sand, overwhelming emotion, pain… then out- peace… then in….pain, sad…then out- peace

A pink tourmaline said clearly: “I will kill you” and took me a death by strangulation. Terrifying. Later I learned it was Boston, 1800s, attacked from behind.

A quartz gave me the sensation of rocking on water, floating with arms and legs splayed open, completely comfortable.

A smoky quartz took me to the void

An obsidian made me sob.

Just a piece of rock, I don’t know what it was, just from a walk, took me to grasslands, on a horse with no reins or anything at all, holding the neck and flying like the wind across fields and fields of tall grass, both us with long flying hair, feeling one with the animal. I was male, brown legs, the horse was darker than me, chocolate hair rasping my legs- I only saw down and ahead. We got to water eventually- I just jumped off the horse and went under a tree to sleep and the horse went off toward the water. What a sensation- I love to remember that.

Often, I just fall asleep. And from some stones, I learn nothing. Still, feeling them and giving them that time and attention – love really – is a wonderful feeling.

How to learn a stone:

Pick up a stone with your right hand, look at it/say hello/welcome, lie down and place it in your left hand.

Close your eyes and empty your mind (like walking on stones). Listen. Feel. You may feel emotion or a sensation somewhere physically; you might know something, hear something or see something.

When you are ready, move the stone to your navel. Listen. Feel.

Next, over your heart.

Then over your 3rd eye.

Sit up, open your eyes, cradle the stone in both hands and look at it again.

Give thanks.

Example:

My mentor died over a year ago and I miss him terribly. I sometimes manage to contact him, but not always.

One morning, I prayed to him (let’s call him John) and thanked him for the usual stuff. In a fit of loneliness, I picked up a crystal that he gave me years ago. I’ve always been a bit intimidated by it- perfectly clear like water, and quite large. This day, I decided to “learn” it.

I did it in front of the wood fire.

Right hand- tingling.

Left hand- body sensations, like weight, moving energy

Navel- sudden intense love, like a hug

Heart- vision of evergreen forest in the snow, me walking through it, so beautiful and calm, peaceful. I stayed there a long time.

3^rd eye- John! Clear as day! I could see him in the mountains where he had lived, staff in hand, blue wool cap, goats all around him! He was herding goats or playing with goats… he was sure happy. I heard his laugh! His voice! I kept watching and I saw that there was an old-fashioned large ring of keys hooked on his staff. Behind him there was a place he goes regularly, where he is building something. It wasn’t clear- just a big deep place of blue in the horizon.

I asked John for a message for his wife and immediately out popped a giant blinking red heart like a cartoon. I asked another question I’ve been wanting to ask for months and got the answer I needed for my healing work.

I never thought of using the crystal to contact him- even when I was desperate to talk to him a year ago and couldn’t get in touch.

I shared the experience with his family, and they reported that he had herded goats for a time as a youngster and had spoken of it as a very happy time in his life.

From What I Can Tell, energetic ties appear as cords joining 2 people. They run between chakras, usually second chakra to second chakra, but sometimes heart to heart. They can be any colour but usually black or orange, like an extension cord. They can be thin as a thread or thick as a tree trunk, like one of those bundles of cables that run under oceans.

Ties (or cords) are created by shared experiences, a matter of reaching out to give and receive, often with love. They can be created with the purpose of gaining energy or control. Sometimes these “power cords” are disguised as loving.

It is best to cut ties even when the relationship is strong and good. There is always an element that is old, and the energy is unbalanced. This is much the same as wearing the same stones/crystals for long lengths of time. Your energy becomes used to them and adjusts for them thinking they are permanent, like compensating for a bum knee. Then your energy is off-balance when the crystals are removed or the ties are cut.

Even when cords are cut, new ones will continue to reach out and grow.

Cutting ties does not affect love. The love goes on without interruption. It is safe to cut ties with family members etc.

How I Know This:

I am often directed by peoples’ energy to cut ties. I see them energetically as described above. I cut the ties with a slicing hand motion or I use my sword. I slice the cords close to the client’s chakra.

Interestingly, the person who has lost ties with the client will often get in touch within a day “to see if you’re okay”. This person is likely noticing a lack of power if they are energy suckers or if they control the client in any way. They will send out more ties immediately. (Yeah, you have to keep cutting them. I have cut ties with my mother at least once/month for years. I cut the ties between my boss and I every day for a month after quitting a job.)

I have been directed to cut ties for:

– Myself, when a friendship ended abruptly. For the ties to be cut is less painful than feeling them slowly rip apart and tear… if you pull Band-aids off quickly, you already get the idea.

– A widower who still had thick tree trunk ties with his wife. His wife, Amy, had crossed a year earlier. He wanted to start a new relationship but felt stuck, unable to clean his wife’s things out of the house and move on. Amy came to me and asked me to cut their ties in order to help her husband with his paralysis and grief. Things started to move for him then- he had an affair with the woman who helped sort out his house.

– A young woman who had been abused by her father as a child. Cutting cords (many, old, tangled, thick) helped her to deal with the past. Giving her the power to cut the ties herself every time she had a nightmare, gave her real control over his energetic presence.

– A depressed empty-nester whose children had flown. Oh my, it broke her heart to cut the ties… but it didn’t change her love for them or the fact that they were gone… it only changed her level of pain. The sadness became easier to manage. (The band-aid thing.)

– A young child who was bullied at school. I taught him how to do it so he could cut ties every day. It gave him a sense of control; in fact, the bully became interested in torturing others instead.

– An older woman feeling harassed at work. Her co-worker watched for chances to correct and embarrass her at meetings, so that she became nervous about participating. By cutting ties, the client felt strong enough to speak up for herself at a crucial moment and the bullying waned.

– A client with a schizophrenic parent and a very complicated childhood. Mother’s manipulative energy was everywhere entwined in this woman and I cut everywhere to release her. I cut in circles all around her body and limbs, cut in front of each eye etc.

How to do it:

You don’t need a healer to cut ties for you. You don’t need to see the ties in order to cut them.

Take a moment to focus. When you think of this person, where do you feel it in your body? If you do feel something, remember to cut ties coming in at that point too (eg Your wrist aches when you think of your ex. You will cut ties at the wrist as well as the front of your body.)

Say loudly and clearly, and mean it:

“I am the only authority in charge of my Being. I cut all ties between my Self, ___________(full name) and __________(full name).”

Make a cutting/slicing motion with your hand across the front of your body, or use a stainless steel knife. Do this from your throat area right down to your pelvis in one sweeping motion.

Say:

“So be it and so it is.”

You may not know the full name. Identify the being in another way, eg. Karen, the volunteer.

Repeat as often as needed. If you are in the middle of a break-up, you might do that several times a day until you get some relief from emotion.

artist: Jac Reid

FROM WHAT I CAN TELL, women (potential mothers) and souls (who want to be born) must come to agreement- they both have the free will to create a baby or not to create a baby, or to continue creating the baby until birth or to stop creating the baby at any point. Both the woman and the soul must agree completely or the baby will not be created and carried to a successful birth. The soul holds no negative emotion about being refused the womb; it fully respects the woman’s free will and will simply search for another appropriate body.

HOW I KNOW THIS: During healings I have seen and communicated with souls who were looking for a womb. One client had aborted 3 times, 2 of them recently. She was shocked by the 3rd pregnancy so close on the heels of the second, although, for many reasons, she wasn’t ready to be a mom. She asked me if her future children needed to be born now for some reason.

The little girl floating around the client during the healing was a giggly sweet thing wearing ladybug pajamas, about a year old in the vision I had of her. She said she loved the client from another life, but if she wasn’t ready for parenthood, then she would choose another mother close by.

The client’s sister became pregnant within months and a year later, a healthy girl was born. She has red hair. The client swears that, far more often than is normal, she will see ladybugs while caring for her niece. One on the windowsill of the hospital room, several in her sister’s house, cartoons, clothes, toys and books. She calls her niece My Little Ladybug.

A client who wanted children dearly but could not conceive after 2 years of effort, had a little boy baby appear at her healing with me. This soul told me that he didn’t see how he could fit into these prospective parents’ lives. They both worked fulltime; she was taking an evening course. Most days, they went to the gym before work, and he was starting a part time photography business on the weekends. I told the client to speak the baby’s soul throughout the days, telling him what would be different if he were there in body, welcoming him. He was born 11 months later: a stubborn boy who loves attention.

I was working on another client for childhood rape. She was raised without a father in South America where unprotected girls like her were considered fair game by the men in her village. She had been raped many times. I had removed some of the old emotion and dysfunctional energy in previous sessions, but more kept rising to the surface. At this session, a little girl appeared to me, ragged and dirty.

“Who are you?” I asked, and learned she was a baby miscarried by the client at age 13. The client remembered the event with profound shame. The visiting baby soul wanted me to tell the client that she had terminated the pregnancy herself because the life would have just been too hard. The baby had simply changed her mind.

An infertile client who was desperate for a child, had a soul hanging around her that looked almost like a little monkey. Mischievous as hell. Darting around, playing tricks on me to the point that I checked every time I saw him that he was, in fact, a soul from God and not some negative energy or being.

This soul would appear and disappear during healings, sometimes he’d be gone for weeks. I advised the client to talk to him, invite him to be her son, but the soul came less and less often. In the end, the client never did conceive. I don’t know why that soul didn’t embody, and I wonder why another one didn’t come along. She would have been such a great mother- you know the type- but there are many reasons that our lives take the turns they do. (fate, karma and other energetic laws, hey- maybe the father was wrong, or maybe there will be issues later in their lives that make it clear why a child wouldn’t really have worked for them or …)

A client who always felt guilty about an abortion had the soul visit during a healing session and tell her that there was nothing to forgive, only love; there was no sin, only free will.

My own daughter was stillborn in 1991, a term I dislike because her heart beat for an hour, and she felt alive in my arms before she felt dead. I visit her energetically, usually on her birthday. She’s in another body now; she was 12 in 2019. She lives on the west coast; she isn’t clear on states or provinces.

What she wants to show me is skiing. She is learning to ski, and she is absolutely ecstatic when she skis. Red suit and red skis with a white stripe. Her family is together and happy- she answers those questions distractedly. She seems like a child when I communicate with her now that she’s in a body, but years ago, her communication was more peaceful, with soft edges and tons of love. She always said that our experience as mother and daughter in this lifetime was perfect for both of us- I had other things that I needed to do in this life and so that was as much motherhood as I would have time for. As well, we both experienced exquisite love & loss during those moments of birth & death… and it is one of life’s pleasures and purposes to experience love in many forms.

A shorter version of this article appears in Tone magazine Nov. 2019. This is an excerpt from a book that I am currently writing: From What I Can Tell- A Healer’s Observations (C)